Tag Archives: comedy

Hamburg 2: Judgement (of sausage) Day

19 Apr

Previously on BBS: I traveled to Hamburg and apparently spent most of the time writing things not about Hamburg. And now, the hopefully-more-relevant continuation (no promises):

With my Hamburger friend at work, the next day was a chance for me to explore on my own and confront my irrational fear of language barriers. Before we go on, in this context “Hamburger” means someone from Hamburg, though I must admit even I couldn’t help but imagine this:

The other hamburger friend

Hamburg’s public transport system is much like an unmanned farmer’s stall on a country lane. Honest people pay, but there’s little to stop you not paying. Unless you’re the unlucky one to be shot at from the porch for “helpin’ y’self  ta some corn bread”. I was honest, and after paying took a quick and efficient trip in to the city centre.

The city centre and shopping district is quite pleasant without being spectacular. There is a very impressive City Hall building, and imaginative tourists can spend a good few minutes wondering what this guy was pondering:

"Hmmm...I wonder why I have to rest my head on my arm when I've got the neck of a steroid abuser."

I must have questioned him for at least 10 minutes with no response. I spent the rest of the day either in Balzac Coffee or wandering around trying not to look like a tourist. Having come through Asia this was the first time in a while where I didn’t automatically look like a rube for every rose or crappy trinket salesman. To illustrate my point, I’m sure I did better than these people:

Surefire way to attract attention

Just seconds later, this unfortunate couple were mobbed by “tourist hunters”, and after a whirlwind of activity were left with nothing but a mini replica of City Hall and a St. Pauli football g-string for modesty. BBS top tourism tip: GPS on your iPhone will work with no internet connection if you load the map before you set off. Paper maps are the metaphorical equivalent of having “steal from me or sell me crap” tattooed on your forehead.

That evening I satisfied my main two objectives for the trip in the space of one well-chosen venue, the Groninger Privatbrauerei. To save my exhaustive description, here they are in telephotographic digital pictorials:

I asked for a side of sausage instead of salad but sadly they weren't having it

I was similarly transfixed when I saw the 10L table keg.

If there is a better reason to travel than these two things, I don’t want to know about it. The night (or possibly my friend) then took us to Hamburg’s famous Red Light District. Here you are certain to find authentic local bars, authentic local music, and authentic local venereal disease. Ever the cultural adventurer, I naturally had to experience two of these.

A few beers and quite a few songs later we found ourselves back on the train home. So ends the second installment in the Trilogy of Hamburgers. 

Oh and to make my flimsy movie-themed title make sense, at some point during the day I had a Krakauer sausage from one of the many fine outlets in the city. It was very tasty.

Safe travels as always, thanks for reading. J

COMING SOON TO BBS – H3: The Mighty Burgers (It’s getting hard to come up with different movie franchises)

The people’s “travel” blog: Suggestions required

3 Apr

I’m never one to hide the fact that I’m worried. As I write this, I feel the distinct pang of worriedness for two three reasons:

  1. Will I ever find a real English word to use instead of “worriedness”?
  2. With the year 2015 fast-approaching, I’m worried the idyllic leap forward in technology depicted in Back to the Future: part 2 will turn out to be unrealistic. I want my damn hover board.
  3. I’ve already been referred to as a “travel” blog on the social media I frequent.

Not that I am ungrateful for this. Not at all. If I get any exposure at all outside my circle of friends, its that much more than I have bothered to get for myself at this point. Believe me, it’s appreciated.

This tag does present a few problems though. For one I feel that whenever someone mentions this blog in conversation (which must happen at least once each lunar cycle), they are doing this:

For two, I’m almost certain to run out of “travel” things to write about, and before long this will become a “nothing” blog. As such, I am determined to slowly drag my way back to credible travel blog status. Which means I need your help.

Believe it or not, I would love this blog to be of some actual assistance to someone when and if they decide to travel. So I am asking you, the less indifferent reader, to comment below with suggestions of things I should experience in London and its surrounds. If you’ve ever lived in London, been to London, or read about something good to do in London on a lavatory wall, I would love to hear your suggestions.

If this sampling platter of fine batch-brewed words (also known as this blog) makes it past the next lunar cycle or two, I’d also love to take your suggestions about wider Europe. But for now we’ll keep it local y’all.

Peace be the journey, thanks for reading. J

(don’t forget to comment)