Tag Archives: london drought

Call that a Drought? THIS is a Drought!

15 May

I’ve heard many ludicrous claims over the years (not to be confused with Ludacris claims). For instance, a friend of mine once told me that “man, Bowling For Soup are gonna be the next big thing!”

My usual reaction to such claims sits somewhere between humour and disinterest, mainly because I want to get back to talking about how The Knack were harshly done by. But when the source of the claim is a reputable news outlet, I generally take notice and reach for my douchy writing notebook. On this occasion it was the BBC’s assertion that much of Britain is in the grips of drought.

Britain? Drought? At this point I thought it much more likely that I’d misheard and Britain was actually beset by trout:

This may be a dramatisation

However, it turned out I’d in fact heard correctly, and much of the UK has experienced two years of below average rainfall. Now back in Oz, as this guy will tell you, we do two things right. Hunting knives and droughts. I’m not saying Britain isn’t in drought, but I’d implore most Brits to have a little perspective and not start beating your water drums until you’ve had over a DECADE of below average rainfall.

When water restrictions prevent you from crying without spreading the tears on your chrysanthemums, then you’re in a bit of trouble.

Luckily Britain has some cool, calm and collected heads down at the water department. And they’ve managed to employ the “irony technique” to combat this crisis. This approach consisted of introducing a “hosepipe ban” a little while back. Since it didn’t stop raining for a month thereafter, I can only assume this was a direct (and ironic) consequence of introducing the ban. Another job well done.

In other information that will pad out the rest of this post interesting news, I’ve decided a decent bicycle trip is in order for me this summer. Given the opportunity to say so, none of my friends or family think this is a bad enough idea to tell me not to do it. That, or everyone back home is too busy watching The Voice. 

In any case my only choice now is to go ahead and ride from London to Dover. From there I will undertake a Top Gear-style challenge and attempt to convert my bicycle in to a pedal-powered jet-ski (or take a ferry, whichever costs less). Upon arriving in Calais I will then reassemble my bike and use nothing but my croissant-fuelled legs to power me towards Brugge and possibly Brussels. If I don’t land a job as a Belgian beer/chocolate taster within 72 hours, I’ll probably make my way back as well.

If it sounds foolhardy and ill-planned, that’s probably because it is.

Thanks for reading, safe travels. J

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